The Pack are back. The team that played in, and won, the very first Super Bowl, and repeated in Super Bowl II, brings their socialist, share-the-wealth act back to the Championship game. Comedian Bill Mahr, in a recent monologue on his HBO weekly TV show, claimed that the NFL's penchant for pooling the income of all teams and redistributing that wealth among them equally made the NFL a socialist enterprise. Mahr was... Read more

Can Sports Bettors REALLY Be That Stupid? This past weekend, sports tout extraordinaire, mentor of Brandon Lang, and subject of the movie "Two For the Money," Stu Feiner, announced on his compline that Vice President Joe Biden telephoned Stu personally to complain about Stu's failure to give Barack Obama the proper respect. Feiner, while denying that he had ever made the scurrilous comments attributed to him, claimed... Read more

That leprachaun laddie, Barry O'Bama, gave his first press conference today, just 3 days after he won the election. That's not bad considering President Wimpy didn't hold his first press conference for 3 YEARS after he was elected, and then it was to tell us all about how he, Georgie Porgie, would single-handedly bring Osama Bin Laden, of the Bush business partner Bin Laden's, to justice. Oh, well. It was an auspicious... Read more

Once upon a time, Cockey Hockey was walking past the ice rink, when all of sudden . . . a puck smacked him right in the puss. Immediately, Cockey Hockey ran to Goosey Loosey's house and proclaimed, "Goosey Loosey you must come quick! The pucks are flying, the pucks are flying." Then Goosey Loosey and Cockey Hockey ran to Ducky Lucky house. "Ducky Lucky! Ducky Lucky! The pucks are flying, the pucks are flying!" cried Cockey... Read more

10 SIGNS THE ECONOMY IS IN TROUBLE 1. Your bank has stopped giving away toasters, and is now selling them. 2. When you move, your house sells for less than your dining room set. 3. Your mortgage company is offering you free gifts if you will just make your mortgage payment. 4. You bought $200 of your local bank's stock, and they just nominated you to the Board of Directors. 5. Your balance at the gas pump is higher than... Read more

As part of our continuing effort to teach you all the language of Tout Speak, here's another entry from Crowne's New World Dictionary of Tout Speak: "Million-Star Play" - adj. + adj. + n. phrase The tout started with a 1000-star play, and lost 10 in a row. Sometimes combined with the terms "Millenium" or "My Lifetime," to form the sentences "Million Star Play of the Millenium," or "Million Star Play of My Lifetime," in... Read more

While all those guys you should never have elected play politics with the economy and $700 Billion on the line, I'm starting a grass roots campaign. Forget about bail outs for Wall Street gamblers. I say, $700 Billon to bail out sports gamblers. In the debate on Friday, neither Obama nor McCain had anything meaningful to say about the bail out. Isn't it amazing how politicians can avoid answering even the simplest question... Read more

DOUBLE HEADER - A POEM DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE, DOUBLE YOUR FUN, GETTING HEAD FROM TWO IS BETTER THAN ONE. When I was young, a good friend and I would discuss why we wanted to be rich and how rich we wanted to be. The one reason to be rich that our mid-20's glands caused us to agree on was that being rich meant having a huge $250,000 yacht. We could dock our yachts at resorts around the world and sit on the deck waiting... Read more

"A Tony Dungheap by any other name would smell as foul." - Rob "Shakespeare" Crowne, circa today from the play "Tonio and Zorniette." "It was the best of games, it was the worst of games." Charles Dickens Crowne, from a "Tale of Two QB's." Every handicapper and tout in creation has his Hall of Fame Game of the Year today. Can the line in this Hall of Fame Game be that far off? It can be, but it's NOT! All the Hall of... Read more