If you've been to Vegas in the past week you've probably noticed a few of the showgirls in your favorite headress and hooter parade with tears smearing their masquera. Las Vegas' most eligible bachelor since Bugsy Siegel, our fearless leader, RJ "Wedding" Bell, has tolled. There's nary a dry eye in a Las Vegas dressing room now that RJ has been removed from circulation..
Oh to be young, single, rich, and living in Las Vegas. From the tourists to the dancers, Las Vegas is filled with gorgeous, sexy women -- and gorgeous sexy men too if your proclivities tend that way. Why would any young, red-blooded male want to get tied down?
Maybe it was stress. Being stalked by all those showgirls and having to keep up one's ladiesman rep creates more pressure than you'd imagine. Who can blame RJ for opting for the rest cure? When RJ gets back from his honeymoon, we'll be sending him to a stress specialist for examination.
Until then, the days of fun and games are over. Have you noticed that all those contests involving pictures of your girlfriend, and all those photos of RJ and the staff partying with the ladies of Vegas have disappeared from Pregame lately?
RJ is off on a Frank Sinatra honeymoon in sunny southern Secaucus by way of Chicago, Chicago, That Wonderful Town. When you live everyday in Las Vegas you can't very well honeymoon there, and Lake Tahoe is mundane. When you live in Las Vegas, you don't honeymoon in some hot southern locale or at some spectacular sight like Niagra Falls, or the Chichen Itza pyramids, or the Eiffel Tower. You don't cruise past the Arctic glaciers, ski in the mountains of southern Argentina, watch the cliff divers in Acapulco, or float through Venice in a gondola with the tenor boatman singing Santa Lucia. Those honeymoons are for the squares who live in more boring places than Las Vegas.
When you live in Las Vegas, you get plenty of heat, Mardi Gras at the Rio, the New York skyline and steaming streets, parrot jungles at the MGM, the Eiffel Tower and Paris nights, dinner in a Japanese rain storm with fireworks at the Hilton, Venetian gondolas, the fountains of Rome at The Bellagio, a pyramid at the Luxor, battles with pirates on the high seas at Treasure Island, winter in the summer on top of Mt. Charleston, the red light districts of Germany and Holland just out of town, the Folies Bergere, the Moulin Rouge, flamenco dancers, waterfalls, tropical volcanos erupting at the Mirage, circus acts, rides and carnie games at Circus, Circus and knights jounsting at the Excalibur everyday of the week.
Denizens of Las Vegas long to honeymoon in restful places like Chicago and Secauscus. Besides, Niagra Falls is much too close to Buffalo for comfort.
Our heartfelt congratulations to RJ's new bride on winning out over all those other beautiful competitors, and our warmest congratulations to RJ on convincing the prettiest and most desireable woman in all Las Vegas to make him the most envied man in town. We at the Crowne Club wish them both a wonderful time touring Al Capone's hometown and Frank Sinatra's birthplace, and a long lifetime of happy years together.